Disclaimer – yes, I’m generalizing in this post. Yes – I realize that not all boys are like Alex and not all girls are like Avery. Just run with it….
Ok – I’ve made a command decision – there should be a new rule that needs to be followed by whoever is in charge of the whole having-a-baby process (which I guess is the father??).
So, to all of you fathers out there – PLEASE make sure that if you are going to have a girl and a boy that the boy needs to come first. Why you ask? Yes, it is cute to have a big brother to watch over the baby sister and to make sure that no mean boys take advantage of her, etc. But, that is not the reason. The reason is that boys are mischievous, they are a handful, and they get into EVERYTHING. That said, it is unfair for a couple to have a girl first because it is a big trick. It is a trick to make them think that they will never have to baby proof the house or that they won’t have to keep their eye on the baby AT ALL TIMES. Because, if they don’t? THIS is what that baby boy will do:
1. He will get into every cabinet in the house and pull out everything in it – leaving things like risotto, cheerios and life cereal strewn across the floor.
2. He will get a hold of the portable phone and then proceed to crawl around on the hardwood floors while holding said phone in his hand and banging it on the ground as hard as he can while crawling.
3. He will get into the dog dishes and splash water all over himself and the mudroom right before you are about the walk out of the house.
4. He will take the phone, which has now gotten the c$%p beat out of it and decide to stir the dog’s water with it.
5. He will get a hold of the chalk that his big sister has in her easel and will either a)throw all of it on the ground or b) eat it. And when his mother tells him not to do it, he will look at her with a mischievous, “I don’t give a s$%^t what you say” look and do it again – just to piss her off.
6. And, the one to top it all off – He will CRAWL UP THE ENTIRE FLIGHT OF HARD WOOD STAIRS ALL BY HIMSELF WITHOUT HIS MOTHER LOOKING and will then thank the lord (not really even realizing it) that his father was there to catch him right before he fell down the stairs that he just crawled up.
All that being said, he will also wake up every morning with a huge smile on his face and immediately reach out to hug his sister when he gets out of the crib and then give his mom just as big of a hug when he is done….
If it makes you feel any better, we were able to hear our local pack of coyotes howling in the distance while we were sitting by the fire and we were still able to hear them as we turned around and walked the 5 feet back to the house to go to sleep in our warm, comfy bed, surrounded by 4 walls that will protect me from said coyotes all night. Now, THAT is my idea of a successful camping adventure right there.
