Oh my lord. It started on Monday. At 5:50 AM to be exact. Alex woke me up and told me he wanted to tell me something and asked me to come into his room. Needless to say, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he could possibly need to tell me at 5:50 AM in the morning. But, I followed him back to his room and he proceeded to have a break down. Like, melting down. And, then informed me that he had done something "really bad" in school and that he was going to get in trouble.
Still attempting to wake up and figure out what the hell was going on, I ask him what happened. At which point, he informed me that he wanted to make his friend Megan laugh, so "he drew a picture of him peeing in a shower." What???? I mean, first of all, why would he do that??? And, second of all, what was the context of this picture??? Why was he drawing it at school and why did he turn it in??? Unfortunately, the answer to those questions couldn't have been any worse...because the picture was part of his religion packet! Seriously????? He drew a picture of him peeing in the shower for religion???? Well, apparently, the assignment was to draw a picture of a place that you normally pray. And, I will say that Alex has told me that he does pray in the shower. So, that part wasn't far off. But, the fact that he also included his "wee-wee" and "yellow dots" on the paper??? Not cool.
So, then he tells me that he attempted to draw shorts on him, but that the teacher collected the papers before he could color the shorts in and he was convinced that she would notice the yellow dots anyway (um...and perhaps the wee-wee that didn't get colored over??).
At this point, I have woken up and realize it's time to put on my Mom hat. Cue the "It's ok to want to be funny and to make your friends laugh. However, you have to do it in an appropriate way and at an appropriate time" lesson as well as the "when you do something wrong, you need to own up to it" lesson. So, we decide that the best thing to do is to go to his teacher that morning, ask to speak to her in private, and tell her that he would like to remove his picture from the packet because he isn't proud of what he drew. The rest of the morning was a disaster with him crying every time he thought about it. BUT, he did talk to the teacher when he got in and felt much better after wards. So, good. We're done. Or, so I thought...
Tuesday morning - 5:45 AM - Alex comes to my room and wakes me up. "Mom, can you come to my room? I have to tell you something." SERIOUSLY???? This cannot be happening. So, I go into his room and he tells me that he did something bad and he is afraid to tell me. Really? Well, then, let me sleep!!!! Turns out, this time he lied. TO A PRIEST!!!!! I guess they were talking about India at a mass for some reason and the priest asked the entire school if anyone had ever been to India. And, Alex raises his hand!!!! WHAT??????? I mean, we have never even talked about going to India, much less has he been there! Why the hell would he say yes??!!!! Cue the "it's never ok to lie and you will get in far more trouble for lying than you will if you tell the truth" lesson.
At this point, I ask him if there is anything else that he would like to tell me (i.e., tell me now so that you don't freaking wake me up at 5:45 tomorrow AM). "Well, there is this one other time that I lied." SERIOUSLY?????????????????? "I told Avery (friend at school - not sister) that I have a purple belt in karate." WHAT??????????? The kid has never even taken a karate class!!!!! WTF??????? Cue the "it's never ok to lie and you will get in far more trouble for lying than you will if you tell the truth" lesson AGAIN.
Wednesday morning (I wish I were kidding) - 5:45 AM - Alex wakes me up... "Mom, what if someone finds out that I really didn't go to India???" Ok - Mom's done. Alex needs to get over the lie and move on. So, I tell him that he needs to go back to his room and to wait until I'm awake and I will come in and talk to him. Cue the "it's never ok to lie and you will get in far more trouble for lying than you will if you tell the truth" lesson AGAIN, but this time add to it "while it is never ok to lie, this lie didn't actually hurt anyone, so it is ok to just move past this and not confess" lesson.
Thank the lord this was the last morning of confessionals in the Holland household. Unbelievable. Truly unbelievable.
